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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741201">Coffee Dates and Lizard Men</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace'>TaleasOldasTimeandSpace</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Balrog 'Verse Asteroid Belt [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grimm (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Darcyland (Marvel), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Grimmshock, Mutual Pining, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, This Started As a Joke But Now I'm Invested Help, i've been dabbling in a lot of Grimm on tumblr and this is the result, it sounds like a superhero, that is their ship name I have Decided</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:35:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On vacation in Portland, Darcy makes a new friend<br/>(and gets the opportunity to use her trusty taser, because she's Darcy)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Darcy Lewis/Nick Burkhardt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Balrog 'Verse Asteroid Belt [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/792213</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Coffee Dates and Lizard Men</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCrazyWriter321/gifts">MissCrazyWriter321</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Is this seat taken?’</p><p>Darcy looked up to meet Nick's smiling eyes. ‘Greetings, detective! As long as one of those is for me, you can have any seat in the joint.’ Setting her crochet on the table, she made grabby hands at the cups he held. ‘Now give us the precious!’</p><p>‘I kind of feel like I should be cutting you off. How many of those have you had today, anyway?’ he asked, even as he handed over the cup and sat down.</p><p>‘That's classified information, copper. You'll never make me talk!’ She hunched over her cup and coughed a couple of <em>gollums</em> for emphasis.</p><p>‘Wouldn't dream of it. I wouldn't want to risk losing a finger.’</p><p>‘See, this is why I like you, Burkhardt,’ she said, saluting him with her cup. ‘You run with my nerdy references instead of giving me blank looks or asking me to proofread astrophysics papers.’</p><p>He laughed. ‘You'll never need to worry about me coming to you with astrophysics questions, I can promise you that.’</p><p>‘I appreciate that, I really do. Because I'm on <em>vacation</em>, and if I have to look at any numbers that don't involve stitch counts and yarn overs, I will kill someone. And then you'd have to arrest me, thus ruining an otherwise beautiful friendship.’</p><p>‘No numbers, got it. What are you working on, anyway?’ he asked, tapping the project she'd abandoned for caffeine.</p><p>She held up the scarf. ‘I'm experimenting with coded messages in crochet. I run my message of choice through a binary converter, and then the ones and zeros become double crochet and chain-one spaces.’</p><p>He blinked. ‘And this is better than astrophysics, <em>how?’</em></p><p>She grinned. ‘Because <em>this</em> is fun.’</p><p>‘Uh-huh. I should introduce you to my friend Monroe, I think you get along.’</p><p>Ooooo, <em>intriguing</em>. She hadn't met any of Nick's friends in the time they'd spent hanging out in coffeeshops together. He'd told her stories, though, and they all sounded highly entertaining. ‘Why, is he into crochet too?’</p><p>‘No, he repairs clocks for fun and profit. And what government secrets are you passing with your Civil War spy routine?’</p><p>‘I haven't gotten my hands on any government secrets yet, so I'm making do with quotes instead. This,’ she said as she started on the next row, ‘happens to be Bilbo's poem for Aragorn.’</p><p>‘All that is gold does not glitter?’</p><p>‘I really like that you know that, it's very geeky of you.’</p><p>He spread his hands. ‘What can I say, Tolkien can be surprisingly relevant.’</p><p>‘That's what <em>I</em> keep saying!’ Darcy's phone lit up with an incoming call, interrupting their shared laugh. She glanced at the caller ID and groaned. ‘Sorry, Nick, it's my boss, I gotta take this.’</p><p>‘I thought you were on vacation,’ he whispered as she hit the answer button.</p><p><em>So did I,</em> she mouthed, rolling her eyes. ‘Jane! I thought we agreed the minions could handle everything since I'm, y'know, <em>on vacation</em> and all.’</p><p>After an intense conversation that started with a demand to know why Jane was helping Tony build a particle accelerator when she was <em>supposed</em> to be tracking comets and solar flares, moved on to a stern lecture to the Head Minion who was <em>supposed</em> to keep Jane on the straight and non-explodey, and finished with strict instructions to give Balrog hugs and kisses because he was her only good child, Darcy hung up and turned back to Nick, who had been politely pretending he wasn't eavesdropping on her half of what had to be a very bizarre conversation. ‘Sorry about that, there was a seventy-two percent chance a lab in New York would explode in about ten minutes if I wasn't able to talk her off her metaphorical ledge.’</p><p>Nick laughed, then seemed to realize she was wearing her Normally I Joke About Explosions All the Time But This is Not One of Those Times face. ‘You're serious.’</p><p>Good to know the man hadn't made detective just based on his good looks and charm. Though they probably hadn't hurt. ‘Why do you think I needed the vacation?’</p><p>‘And you thought Portland would be the ideal vacation spot?’ He sounded dubious.</p><p>She shrugged. ‘Well, it's on the opposite side of the country, which is nice. I love New York, but it can get very strange at times. I needed a break from the weirdness, y'know?’</p><p>Nick snorted. ‘First time I've heard of somebody coming to Portland to get <em>away</em> from weirdness.’</p><p>‘Yeah, but it's the normal, tourist attraction-type weirdness. I mean, honestly, has Portland ever been ground zero for an alien invasion?’</p><p>‘Not an alien invasion, no.’ Darcy got the distinct impression that Nick was laughing at her, but she supposed she couldn't really blame him. She hadn't been there for the Battle of New York, either.</p><p>‘Besides,’ she said, gesturing with her cup, ‘all this rain and gloom appeals to my goblin nature.’</p><p>‘You're a goblin?’ Nick's question was sharper than she thought her joke warranted, but she let it pass. Maybe the man just really didn't like goblins.</p><p>‘Sure I am,’ she said, lifting a shoulder with a smirk. ‘Couldn't you tell by my pasty complexion and generally crotchety demeanor?’</p><p>His posture relaxed as he leaned back in his chair. ‘I dunno, none of the goblins I've ever met had a caffeine addiction.’</p><p>She raised her eyebrows. ‘Met a lot of goblins, have you?’</p><p>‘Well, like you said—’ he tilted his head towards the window, where the street outside was in danger of becoming a river ‘—we've got the perfect weather for them.’</p><p>‘Indeed you do. How do you guys keep the weather so nice, anyway?’</p><p>‘Blood sacrifice.’ His voice was bland as he drained his coffee.</p><p>She nearly snorted her last swallow of coffee up her nose. ‘Old school, I like it.’ She stood up, grabbing Nick's cup. ‘Just for that, next round's on me.’</p><p>She glanced over her shoulder as she stood in line, meeting Nick's crooked grin with one of her own. She was really going to miss him when she went back to New York. Over the weeks that they'd spent flirting over coffee, she'd been trying, with dwindling success, to ignore the niggling feeling that she wasn't being fair to him. After all, she <em>would</em> be going back to New York, and Nick, for all that he carried a badge, was essentially a civilian. He wasn't cleared to know half the things she did, and even if he was interested in a long-distance relationship—and New York to Portland was about as long-distance as you could get and still be in the continental United States—how could she date someone that she could never be completely honest with?</p><p>No, better to say goodbye when her vacation was over. But that didn't mean she wouldn't spend as much time with him in coffeeshops as she could before catching her flight home.</p>
<hr/><p>Nick raked a hand through his hair as he watched Darcy work her way up the line. What was he <em>doing?</em> He'd told himself after Juliette that he wouldn't get involved with anyone else who didn't know about Grimms and Wesen, and yet here he was, spending nearly every day of the last couple of weeks flirting with a snarky brunette who was about as far away from the weirdness that was his daily life as she could be and still live in the continental United States.</p><p>It had gotten bad enough that Monroe had started asking him pointed questions about when he was going to bring his new girlfriend around (and how Monroe knew about Darcy he had no idea, but he'd long ago accepted that the Monroe and Rosalee spy network was better than that of any government).</p><p>And where did he think this was going to end? She obviously had a life she loved in New York, it wasn't like he could ask her to drop everything and move to Portland—not that he was considering asking her to drop everything and move to Portland, that would be crazy.</p><p>He'd practically accused her of being a Fuchsteufelwild, just because she'd joked about being a goblin. That was how crazy this crush of his was making him. Even if she was interested in something more between them, there was no way he could keep her in the dark about his life for long, and he couldn't drag her into the madness.</p><p>And then madness walked through the door of the coffeeshop in the form of one Pete Garvey, a Skalengeck he'd busted for possession on several occasions. Pete must have been on something, because he woged in front of the entire, terrified shop—worse, right in front Darcy. Nick shoved away from their table, wishing he'd followed Wu's advice and started wearing his sleeve knife at all times. But he'd just planned on meeting Darcy for coffee, how was he supposed to know he'd have to go Grimm in the middle of downtown Portland in broad daylight?</p><p>Before he could so much as pull out his gun, Darcy let out a screech worthy of a nazgul and threw their freshly-refilled coffee in Pete's face. He winced as Pete roared in pain. He applauded her instincts, but a face-full of hot coffee would only make the Skalengeck mad.</p><p>Madder.</p><p>But Darcy wasn't content to stop with coffee. She reached under her chunky sweater, pulled out a heavily modified taser, shrieked, ‘Eat unlimited power, Bossk man!’ and pulled the trigger, pumping Pete with electricity until his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed on the coffeeshop floor in a puddle of scales and drool.</p><p>
  <em>Wow.</em>
</p><p>It was when she started kicking Pete's unconscious body, yelling about how they'd have to do better than that if they wanted to get her to a secondary location—and excuse me, <em>what?</em>—that he realized he was going to have to intervene before he really did have to arrest her. ‘Darcy, hey,’ he said, putting a gentle hand on the arm holding the taser and praying she wouldn't mistake him for another Skalengeck, ‘I think you got him.’</p><p>She whirled, her wild eyes darting around the shop's tense patrons before coming to rest on him. After a couple of seconds she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she glanced around again, her face rueful. ‘Ah, hey, Nick. So it's possible I may have overreacted just now.’</p><p>‘No, it's okay.’ He nodded at Pete, who by now had reverted back to his human form. ‘Pete would've hurt you and a lot of other people if you hadn't dropped him. I don't think I'd've made it in time.’</p><p>‘Pete?’ Her lips quirked as the last of her berserker rage faded. ‘Another friend of yours?’</p><p>‘Oh, we go way back. I've arrested him a couple of times.’ Not to mention the times they'd fought in back alleys and woods before Pete learned not to mess with him. If he'd known Nick was in the shop he probably never would have come in.</p><p>Then again, maybe he would have. High Skalengecks didn't have the best impulse control.</p><p>‘I need to call this in.’ He took out his phone keeping his movements calm and easy, just in case. ‘Are you going to be okay?’</p><p>‘I'll be fine,’ she said, waving her free hand. ‘This isn't my first time getting jumped by a scary lizard man.’</p><p>He froze, phone to his ear as he stared at her. It was only Hank's voice on the line that brought him back to the present (and he wasn't sure he wanted Hank meeting Darcy, especially since he and Wu would never let him hear the end of it, but who else could he trust to lock up a Skalengeck?).</p><p>After hanging up with Hank—and the unholy glee in his partner's voice told him Hank knew exactly what he was doing at the coffeeshop—he turned to Darcy. ‘Do you have a permit for that thing?’ he asked, nodding to the taser that couldn't possibly be legal in any state and certainly not on the streets of Portland.</p><p>‘That actually <em>is</em> classified,’ she said, tucking it back in what had to be a custom holster. ‘I could tell you, but then a man with a deceptively bland face who goes by the name of Phil would make you disappear for a very long time.’</p><p>‘I'm afraid I've got too many responsibilities to disappear, so I'll leave the taser alone. I am curious about the other lizard men you've taken down though.’</p><p>‘Did I say that? Must have been the adrenaline talking, where would I have met another lizard man, that's just crazy.’</p><p>Wow, that wasn't convincing at all.</p><p>She apparently was aware of that, because she crossed her arms and raised her chin. ‘Well, what about you? You said you've met before, did you know he was a lizard man?’ Obviously Darcy subscribed to the philosophy of When In Doubt, Go On the Offensive.</p><p>He studied her for a long moment. Aside from flipping out on Pete—and he hadn't exactly been a model of decorum when he'd faced his first Skalengeck, either—Darcy was handling all of this surprisingly well. He wondered again what exactly it was she did in New York that made Portland a vacation.</p><p>‘Look,’ he said slowly, ‘not all the weirdness around here is tourist-friendly. And you're going home eventually, and I wouldn't want to drag you into anything that could get you hurt.’</p><p>Now it was her turn to study him, amusement flickering in her eyes. ‘I deal with unfriendly weirdness on a fairly regular basis—friendly weirdness, too, some of my friends are very strange. I think I can handle it. How about an exchange of secrets? We can compare weirdness and find out once and for all whose life is weirder.’</p><p>That was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. He saw a squad car pull up outside, and knew they were out of time. ‘I'd like that, but not here. Would you, uh, like to come to my place tonight? I'll make you dinner,’ he added hopefully.</p><p>She beamed at him, and suddenly he wasn't sure how he was supposed to say goodbye when she left Portland. ‘It's a date, Nick.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Making a New York/Portland relationship work isn't as difficult as one would assume, especially once Darcy bribes Stephen into setting up a permanent portal for them to go back and forth.  Darcy is instantly adopted by Team Grimm, and she brings Balrog along on her next visit.  Everyone adores him (except for Bud, who is convinced he's seconds away from being eaten at all times).  Monroe and Rosalee go into Research Mode to see if he might somehow be Wesen.</p><p>The Avengers are a little more standoffish (Is This Man Worthy Of Our Darcy?) but once Nick starts bonding with Nat and Clint over medieval weaponry, the rest come around.</p><p>I was talking Grimm crossover ships with Misscrazyfangirl321 on Tumblr (she did an awesome <a href="https://misscrazyfangirl321.tumblr.com/post/625580736996573184/a-gift-for-taleasoldastime-andspace-because-she">manip</a> for this, check it out!), and somehow this happened.  I have no regrets. Might leave it a oneshot, might start a new series (No! Not a new series!).  We'll see how the spirit moves me.</p><p>Come say hi on <a href="https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a> for more Grimmness and shenanigans!</p><p>Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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